Taking Care of Mom

I'm not sure if it is the season, the thrill of the school year ending or that the "fourth" trimester is now over. I am feeling more like my pre-mama self in regards to one of my favorite pastimes: Food! Eating it, cooking it, savoring it, looking at it, picking it out from barrels and shelves in the store, studying it, and planning around it.

It all started about two weeks into Delilah sleeping through the night. I woke up more refreshed, less tired during the day and hungry for cleaner, fresher food. This is a big deal as we went from friends and family bringing meals in Delilah's first month, to eating from the freezer section and mostly convenience foods and gradually working my way up to cooking two meals a week.

This week I spent a lot of time thinking about how I will start to introduce solids to Delilah and what I want her relationship with food to become. Delilah is only 3 months, and I don't plan on starting solids till at least 5 -6 months, but I am the type of person to obsess early. I am really into how French babies eat, and in turn, adults. I am encouraged by the lower rates of obesity and childhood behavior issues in France. A lot of that has to do with their Food Education. As a lover of food, I want to give my child the best experience possible.

So, I have been reading books, blogs and websites about the ways of French eating. My new favorite is French Foodie Baby. I have started to adapt my style of eating to the more structured yet nutritious and mindful ways of the French (4 course meals with a vegetable starter, main meal, salad and cheese course and dessert).  Sounds like a lot, but eaten in small portions and over a longer period of time is better for your health. Slow food is good food. In this case I am referring to how long it takes to eat rather than cook.  I am excited, too, to have meals with Delilah like this, teaching her to enjoy her food and really observe the sight, textures and smells.

I figure the best way to start her food education is by me eating a variety of foods and magically, through breastmilk, she will be introduced before the real food hits her mouth (or cheek as she will likely not get it in her mouth right away!).

So far this week we have had: Herbed Quinoa with Goat Cheese and Lemon Tilapia, Mango Chicken and Vegetables, Leek and Chive mini Quiches, Grilled Angus patties with grilled red potatoes, and Stuffed Rainbow Peppers with Turkey Sausage. In the next few days we will be having Risotto style Quinoa with Sauteed Wild Mushrooms and Summer Squash, Lamb and mint meatballs, and a Lentil Salad.
You see, taking care of mommy's nutrition in turn takes care of mommy's happiness and therefore, everyone is happy, including daddy!

The Three Month Shuffle

We all survived the first three months and I feel like awards need to be awarded!! Seriously, so many things have happened in such a short amount of time. Speaking of time, it has a brand new meaning to me. How many minutes does it take to pump, how many hours since she ate last, how long has she been napping? But also I can't believe what a completely different baby Delilah is from when she was born, one month, two months and even last week! Within the last month alone she has smiled, learned how to stick out her tongue and respond to others sticking out theirs, grab at anything and everything within reach including our shirts, her toys, my hair and tragically the nipple. She coos loudly in her angel fairy princess voice when she spots dad  or mom and even herself in the mirror. Even though she was a preemie and hitting the charts at 5/4/3 percent for weight/height/head circumference at her two month check-up, she is now in size 2 diapers and 3-6 month clothes. Her legs and arms  have plumped up so deliciously that I can't not squeeze and poke them at every opportunity!  Amazingly she has been sleeping through the night for a week, going 8 hours before waking at 6am to eat for 15 minutes then snoozing an hour more before eating the rest of her breakfast. I'm so in  awe of her and how she grows. And I now know that those incredibly difficult early weeks when you bring baby home are just that-  the early weeks. Now is when the fun begins.

Going Back

This just in: the season's newest trends are spit-up, unbrushed hair, dark circles and bags under eyes, and a baby attached to your boob.  (Let's not speak of the mysterious poop stains that appear on everything and anything).

We had finally graduated from nursing every two hours to three hours during the day and one four hour shift of sleep at night when poor Delilah got her first cold with a fever.  This meant nursing every hour during the day with the occasional two hour shifts appearing in the night. I didn't feel the misery of being a milk factory like I did in the early weeks of her life when we nursed that often. This time I felt so bad that she felt so miserable that I couldn't wait to nurse her, knowing that my breast-milk and cuddles were the best medicine. As a side-note to new mommies: with this much fluid intake, there are a lot more diapers to change!!! Luckily, this only lasted a day in a half. Now we are just on snot removal duty.

The downside of us reaching the two month mark is that I have to go back to work in two weeks, for two weeks. A month ago I was looking forward to not being a milk-factory all day and having real conversations with adults and my amazing students. Now I am dreading it! Delilah just got fun, cooing and smiling during her waking hours. Watching her explore the world around her with delight and excitement warms your heart. Nursing her is not so difficult and as time consuming anymore but rather an enjoyable bonding time for the both of us. I fear not having enough milk pumped for her growing 9 lb-frame. What if she goes through a growth spurt and I am not breastfeeding her during the day for my body to know to make more milk? What about all the lovely noises and facial expressions I will miss. And the cuddling. I can't imagine what other moms go through who have to go back to work sooner or for longer. I am lucky that I will have the summer off to spend with my snugly munchkin before going back to work for good. I am also lucky that she has been sleeping for 2 1/2 hours and hasn't eaten in 3 1/2!!!!

Smile at the end of the Tunnel

Everyone says having a baby is the most rewarding experience you will ever have. This is true, but not in the first few weeks! Those first weeks at home are incredibly difficult and the only type of reward you will see are in the form of diaper deposits and the homemade meals other people bring you. If I am being completely honest, the first two weeks are easier than the next four. Those first two weeks you have visitors coming to help, outpouring of love from your Facebook friends, and a very sleepy newborn. You are also running on adrenaline because you just pushed out this amazing creature that snoozes so lovingly in your arms! Fast forward to week three when every two hour feedings turn into one hour feedings when baby starts cluster feeding, their vocal cords are all warmed up to pitch a fit at the slightest dampness in their diaper, and the ready-made meals/any contact with the outside world slows to a halt  Worst of all are the sleepless nights and days that get to you and a lifetime (I'm told) of exhaustion rules your world.

Don't worry mommy's-to-be: there is a light at the end of this diaper filled tunnel! Sometime around two months your baby will smile at you as a social response. This happened for me a couple days ago as baby approached her 8-week mark. I've seen her smile, mostly when her eyes are closed during sleep or eating, but not for an extended period of time (I.E. more than 5 seconds). This week she looked me straight in the eye and held eye contact for several minutes cooing and ah-hing while showing off her pearly gums:) She let me take off her pants and onesie without kvetching because we were talking and singing and bopping- you know, the stuff you see in TV commercials.

The light at the end of my tunnel lit up on full blast last night: after her 4:30 am feeding, I got her in the bassinet for all of three seconds before her eyes popped open and her cry started. Then, in the midst of an open mouth shrill, her eyes locked with mine and the noise immediately stopped to be replaced with a bright smile that reaches all the way up to her eyes. Even though I was exhausted and wanted more than anything for her to take the paci and close her eyes to sleep, I found myself renewed with a wave of love and amazement: this child not only responds to my smell (remember, I am the milk factory) and my voice (cute when dad is holding her and I say something from across the room causing her to turn in my direction), but now she is just as excited to see my face as I am to see hers! I scooped her right up and we spent the next few minutes staring and smiling at each other. Just in time for Mother's Day.  That's why she arrived so early, right?

Pillow Wars

So nursing a preemie is hard enough. In the beginning a preemie's jaw muscles are very weak and as they are so sleepy, they have to be nudged to stay awake long enough to feed. After a few weeks, they get the hang of it, and even though my daughter is 5 weeks old, she is now the size of a typical newborn (i.e. small!).

Some sort of pillow to prop her up to me is necessary. I have two of the commercially marketed nursing pillows: the Boppy and My Breastfriend.

Boppy with Monkey Slipcover

My Brestfriend with Sunburst cover

While I own the Boppy with the monkey cover, I have a different cover than the Sunburst pictured above on the Brestfriend. However, this picture shows the two raised bumps better. On the right and left side of the top of the pillow are raised bumps that help position baby's head while nursing. I also use a pillow that came with the sofa.
It took awhile to figure out how to use these pillows best. The way models hold baby on the Boppy (directly in front of your belly) just wasn't working for me.  A neighbor told me about turning the Boppy so it hugs you around your side. This way, the baby's head rests on one end and your arm on the other. Genius! I was so ready to toss this pillow in the back of the closet. I figured out the Brestfriend on my own- it didn't take anything special other than using it. When I first received it, I stripped the cover off to wash and saw the disgusting foam that it is made of. Definitely not a material that is on my non-toxic list. So I did toss this one in the closet. (Okay, it never made it to the closet.  It stayed in a pile in the guest room). But before I found out how to use the Boppy, I tried the Brestfriend out of desperation when my regular bedroom pillow wasn't cutting it. Those little bumps are amazing! I was able to have her nurse and keep a hand free to hold onto a book, my water glass, rub my neck. This made up for the gross foam that I knew was underneath the cute cover. Plus, I had this sitting in the guest room for a few months, so some of those toxins had to have aired out by now.
As soon as we get into a groove with one of the pillows, that pillow stops "working" so I would switch.  I have found that depending on the baby's mood, the surface I am sitting on, and the position of the moon (seriously, I don't know why) these pillows don't always cut it. This is extremely annoying, especially in the middle of the night and when she is fussy during nursing. Up until now I nurse on the sofa during the day and in our bed during night. This has led to a lot of extra tension and strain in my neck and back as well as hip pain from sitting  criss-cross.

What I need is a rocking chair! Since my darling daughter arrived 5 weeks early, we hadn't settled on a nursing chair. It took until she was a month old for me to find and purchase one. Well, I found lots but they were all out of our price range. Last week, while rocking chair hunting online, I found one that I have been looking at for months for a whole lot less!

Sleepytime Rocking Chair in Taupe

This chair is made by Nurseryworks which is owned by Million Dollar Baby (MDB) (parent company of our Hudson crib which is made by Babyletto).  This chair is made in America and made with less toxic materials. This chair retails for $499. However, Walmart has some deal with MDB because they have a line called Baby Mod, which are the same products by Nurserworks and Babyletto under that name. So, last week I decided to check out Walmart's rocking chairs online. Lo and behold, here was my dream chair, entitled Baby Mod Rocker for the set price of $299!!! I waited a whole three hours till Bryan came home to order it. It came a week later (in a Nurseryworks box :0) and needs to be assembled. It is going to go in our bedroom for now because that's where Delilah sleeps and I enjoy a painless middle-of-the-night nursing session just as much as the next mom.

Sleep When the Baby Sleeps

You hear it from veteran moms all the time: Sleep when the baby sleeps. Easier said than done.
I heard it. I told everyone including myself that I would do it, no problem. This was before my husband injured himself, had emergency surgery, and is now in a cast with crutches = can't pick up the baby, bring me anything, change her, or get anything for himself. That means I have to do the laundry, the dishes, the meals, the cleaning (okay, I don't do too much cleaning/ my house is dirty), the nursing, the pumping, the all around baby care, and occasionally I take a shower. So, when the baby sleeps, that is my chance to actually eat something. It doesn't help when she is cluster feeding every one to two hours. Or decides that she can't sleep at night, but must keep soiling her diaper and eat, eat, eat.

During the day she permits me to put her in her swing for a short while or on the floor for tummy time. These activities don't typically last long, as she gets a whiff of me walking by and remembers that I am the milk factory and she could go for some of that right now. And, as a 3 week old whose lungs are now in full swing, she has figured out that the wailing she produces gets results. I remember nostalgically how her excuse for a cry in her first two weeks of life was so cute and squeaky. Now the only time I hear that cute squeak is if she is sleeping and having dreams about wanting more milk (I assume that is what she dreams about).

So, lesson to all mothers-to-be and new mommy's: Do not let your husband do anything remotely athletic or beyond normal cleaning around the house before and after the arrival of your new baby. And, try to sleep when the baby sleeps but don't expect too much. Baby is sleeping right now, and I chose to write here instead of taking a shower in fear she might wake up from the noise. After last nights wake-a-thon, she needs sleep just as much as I do!  Time to conquer my fear and not be quite so smelly.

A Labor of Love

For anyone who knows me, they have heard me preach how baby Briest will arrive earlier than her April 17th due date. This belief was met by a variety of reactions such as "No, first babies come late" and multiple eye rolls. Well, Delilah Poppy Briest had her own agenda and was born on Thursday, March 14th, 5 weeks early!

On Tuesday, I had my 34 week appointment. Baby's heartbeat sounded great, my blood pressure excellent, and the doctor showed us where she was laying (head down low, butt sticking out on my right side and limbs curled to my left). Up until this point I had been having mild braxton hicks, mostly when I was at work standing too much and not drinking enough water. They were not painful, only a little crampy. Wednesday, I checked myself out in the mirror and thought to myself, "Wow, my face is swollen! This must be because I am starting my ninth month." But it was really just the beginning of the end.

Around 7:30 that night, my water broke. I wasn't even sure it had, I only had a little drip. I also had no idea I had been in labor that day, mistaking the faint contractions for braxton hicks. I barely felt them, even on the way to the hospital. After calling my doctor, who told me to go to the hospital just to be on the safe side (because it was so early), Bryan and I packed a bag and made our way to Sinai Hospital in Baltimore. Yes, we packed a bag, because that was on the to-do list for the weekend. Also on that list, interviewing the pediatrician on Friday. Yea, right.

When we got to the hospital after 9pm, the triage was full so they took us to a Labor and Delivery room to be examined by the resident OB. Normally, you go to triage first and only if you are admitted do you go to L and D.  Apparently lots of babies wanted to be born that day because they were jam packed with moms to be. After putting baby and I on monitors the OB came in to do the "q-tip" test which if it turns blue, it means your membrane ruptured (I.E. water broke). Finding out I was only 35 weeks with no complications all pregnancy, the OB casually told us about the test with an air of "this is not going to be blue." Well, it came out Prussian Blue- like darkest of dark blue. Her eyes were wide with shock before saying, "You are staying. You are going to have a baby tonight or tomorrow."  At this point I was also 3 cm dilated, which is when hospitals will normally admit you.

Because my water broke, they had to give me pitocin to bring the contractions on. The danger in your water breaking and letting contractions happen on their own is the risk of infection as the mucus plug is no longer protecting the baby from the outside world. Not to mention that the amniotic fluid was lower due to the breakage.

This was all fine and well until the baby's heart rate was plummeting during contractions in the early hours of Thursday.   This happened a few times, which caused the nurse to come and shift my body around till the baby settled. The last time it happened was around 7 in the morning. A team of people came swarming in the room. Up until now, only one or two people would be in to check on me. There was talk of a C-section and orders for prepping the OR were given. Paperwork was pushed in front of me. If the baby's heart rate did not get steady, we were going for an emergency C-section. Bryan was given directions and clothes for the OR. I was currently 6 cm and crying. Not because I didn't want a C-section. I wanted whatever was best for the baby and I wanted her to be okay. In my head I was screaming, well let's get her out then! My OB said it was all ready to go, but lets just watch her for a few minutes after taking me off pitocin to see if she would recover before going into major surgery. So they left and monitored us from their computer. I actually dozed for a half hour. An hour after this madness, I paged the nurse because I felt so much pressure. The resident OB came in to check me. Low and behold, I had gone from 6 cm to 10 cm in one hour, and baby was at +1.

I was allowed to push, but with restrictions. Because of her struggling heart rate, I was to push on some contractions, not all. They watched the monitors carefully to assess when it was okay for her. This meant 2 hours from when I started till she was born. Sounds like a lot, but it was only some of the time I was actually pushing. The NICU was in the room when she was born as she was a preemie  I think Delilah shocked everyone. Her AGPAR score was a 9 (out of 10) and she was checked over to be fine. I got to hold her before they swept her off to the nursery while I recovered.

The best part of having Delilah at 35 weeks is that I didn't have time to get worried about what labor would be like. I wasn't expecting her to come till closer to 37 or 38 weeks. I thought I had at least another week before I would work up a sweat about L and D.

Delilah is now 3 weeks old, eating all the time, and a pro at tummy time. Now, if she would only sleep a little longer in between nursing sessions.....